Clarke Inherits Howe's Mantle

If anyone deserves to inherit Geoffrey Howe's infamous mantle - dished out by then-Chancellor Denis Healey in 1978 - as parliament's Dead-Sheep-In-Chief it simply must be the walking irrelevance that is Charles Clarke. Clarke is, to put it plainly, deluded. Since being removed as Home Secretary - largely due to gross incompetence in dealing with foreign prisoners - he's tried to position himself, utterly ludicrously, as a party kingmaker and elder statesman. First, he decried Gordon Brown's coronation as Labour leader in 2007, insisting that a Brown accession was "not inevitable" and forming the painfully-badly-disguised anti-Gordon website 'The 2020 Vision'. But he didn't find the guts to stand himself. He instead agreed, ever-so graciously, to give Brown his "conditional" support. I'm sure Gordon was able to sleep more easily after that, Charles! Then, a year later, after the Great Leader's spectacular drop in the polls following a series of balls-ups and crises, he declared that he was "very sceptical personally about his capacity to pull in round and therefore I do think he probably should stand down". Quite an ironic statement coming from a bloke who criticised Tony Blair's decision to drop him from the government in 2006 on the grounds that he wanted more time to sort out the mess he'd presided over at the Home Office! And did he challenge for the leadership? Of course not. That'd take guts. But his latest salvo leaves me, quite simply, incredulous, telling a BBC interview that "I've worked half my life to get Labour into a position where it could be a good government and I do see that fading away". What?! I mean, the odd bit of screaming-from-the-sidelines criticism is one thing, but setting himself up as a father of New Labour? Are you having a laugh, Charlie? John Prescott - a genuine Labour heavyweight - had the right idea when he branded Clarke a "bitter-ite" in a Politics Show debate last September. He didn't have the guts to put up for the leadership in 2007. He didn't have the guts to challenge Brown in 2008. And now he's portraying himself as the founder of the modern Labour Party. Please, Charles, I'm begging you: shut up and go away.